The-Coaching-Habit-Say-Less-Ask-More-Change-the-Way-You-Lead-Forever

Review From User :

The book provides a great framework of asking coaching questions.

The kickstart question: "What's on your mind"
The awe question: "And what else"
The focus question: " What's the Real Challenge Here for You"
The lazy question: "How Can I Help"
The foundation question: "What do you want"
The strategic question: "If You're Saying Yes to This, What Are You Saying No To"
The learning question: "What was most useful for you"

Great Quotes

"Many leaders told us they don't have the time in this high-pressure economy for the slow and tedious work of teaching people and helping them grow."

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 107-108). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

You may find that you've become part of an overdependent team. There's a double whammy here. First, you've trained your people to become excessively reliant on you, a situation that turns out to be disempowering for them and frustrating for you. And then as an unwelcome bonus, because you've been so successful in creating this dependency that you now have too much work to do, you may also have become a bottleneck in the system. Everyone loses momentum and motivation. The more you help your people, the more they seem to need your help. The more they need your help, the more time you spend helping them.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 142-146). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

Building a coaching habit will help your team be more self-sufficient by increasing their autonomy and sense of mastery and by reducing your need to jump in, take over and become the bottleneck

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 146-147). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

it's not enough just to get things done. You have to help people do more of the work that has impact and meaning. The more we do work that has no real purpose, the less engaged and motivated we are. The less engaged we are, the less likely we are to find and create Great Work.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 155-157). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

The change of behaviour at the heart of what this book is about is this: a little more asking people questions and a little less telling people what to do.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 180-181). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

So think less about what your habit can do for you, and more about how this new habit will help a person or people you care about.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 201-202). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

if you don't know what triggers the old behaviour, you'll never change it because you'll already be doing it before you know it.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 203-204). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

The three components of Deep Practice are: Practicing small chunks of the bigger action (for instance, rather than practice the whole tennis serve, you practice just tossing the ball up). Repetition, repetition and repetition and repetition. Do it fast, do it slow, do it differently. But keep repeating the action. And finally, being mindful and noticing when it goes well. When it does, celebrate success. You don't have to go buy the bottle of Möet, although you can if you wish. A small fist pump will do just fine.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 214-218). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

we will not achieve perfection in our quest to build the habit. We will miss a moment, miss a day. That's a given. What you need to know is what to do when that happens. Resilient systems build in fail-safes so that when something breaks down, the next step to recover is obvious. Make your habit a resilient system.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 222-224). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

An almost fail-safe way to start a chat that quickly turns into a real conversation is the question, "What's on your mind" It's something of a Goldilocks question, walking a fine line so it is neither too open and broad nor too narrow and confining. Because it's open, it invites people to get to the heart of the matter and share what's most important to them.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 320-323). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

Have you ever thought, Work would be easy if it weren't for all these annoying people Surely it's not just me. Certainly, situations are always made more complex when you- in all your imperfect, not-always-rational, messy, biased, hasn't-fully-obtained-enlightenment glory- have to work with others who, surprisingly, are also imperfect, not always rational, messy, biased, and a few steps short of full wisdom and compassion.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 348-351). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

When you're talking about people, though, you're not really talking about them. You're talking about a relationship and, specifically, about what your role is in this relationship that might currently be less than ideal.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 351-352). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

Here you're looking at patterns of behaviour and ways of working that you'd like to change. This area is most likely where coaching-for-development conversations will emerge. They are personal and challenging, and they provide a place where people's self-knowledge and potential can grow and flourish. And at the moment, these conversations are not nearly common enough in organizations. It's not always appropriate to be having a conversation with this focus. Often enough, having only a project-focused conversation is exactly the right thing to do.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 353-357). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

I know they seem innocuous. Three little words. But "And What Else"- the AWE Question- has magical properties. With seemingly no effort, it creates more- more wisdom, more insights, more self-awareness, more possibilities- out of thin air.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 422-424). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

He then looked at the success rate of decisions that involved more choices. For instance, what would happen if you added just one more option: Should we do this Or this Or not The results were startling. Having at least one more option lowered the failure rate by almost half, down to about 30 percent. When you use "And what else" you'll get more options and often better options. Better options lead to better decisions. Better decisions lead to greater success.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 437-441). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

We've all got a deeply ingrained habit of slipping into the advice-giver/ expert/ answer-it/ solve-it/ fix-it mode. That's no surprise, of course. When you take the premium that your organization places on answers and certainty, then blend in the increased sense of overwhelm and uncertainty and anxiety that many of us feel as our jobs and lives become more complex, and then realize that our brains are wired to have a strong preference for clarity and certainty, it's no wonder that we like to give advice. Even if it's the wrong advice- and it often is- giving it feels more comfortable than the ambiguity of asking a question.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 444-449). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

An intriguing (albeit difficult) exercise is to watch yourself and see how quickly you get triggered into wanting to give advice. Give yourself a day (or half a day, or an hour) and see how many times you are ready and willing to provide the answer.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 454-455). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

even though we don't really know what the issue is, or what's going on for the person, we're quite sure we've got the answer she needs. "And what else" breaks that cycle. When asking it becomes a habit, it's often the simplest way to stay lazy and stay curious.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 457-460). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

At some stage of the conversation, someone's going to say to you, "There is nothing else." When that happens, a perfectly reasonable reaction is a rapid heartbeat and slight panic. Reframe that reaction as success. "There is nothing else" is a response you should be seeking. It means you've reached the end of this line of inquiry. Take a breath, take a bow and go on to another question.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 475-478). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

When you start your weekly check-in meeting by asking, "What's important right now" keep the pressure on by asking, "And what else"

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 500-501). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

At the same time, in your heart you're pretty sure you know the answer to the problem being discussed. So you've mastered the fake question. "Have you thought of" "What about" "Did you consider" Stop offering up advice with a question mark attached. That doesn't count as asking a question. If you've got an idea, wait. Ask, "And what else" and you'll often find that the person comes up with that very idea that's burning a hole in your brain. And if she doesn't, then offer your idea- as an idea, not disguised as a fake question.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 538-543). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

If your organizational culture is like every organizational culture I've ever seen (and it is), then it's a place that loves getting things done. Making it happen. Crossing it off the to-do list. And if you're like most of the managers I've ever worked with and for (and, for that matter, been), then you genuinely do want to figure it out.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 555-557). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

The challenge is that with the years of conditioning you've had, as soon as you start hearing what a doctor might call "the presenting challenge," every fibre of your body is twitching with a desire to fix it, solve it, offer a solution to it. It's Pavlovian. Which is why people in organizations like yours around the world are working very hard and coming up with decent solutions to problems that just don't matter, and why the real challenges often go unaddressed.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 558-561). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

When people start talking to you about the challenge at hand, what's essential to remember is that what they're laying out for you is rarely the actual problem. And when you start jumping in to fix things, things go off the rails in three ways: you work on the wrong problem; you do the work your team should be doing; and the work doesn't get done.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Location 561). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

The Focus Question: What's the Real Challenge Here for You

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 580-581). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

What's the real challenge here Implied here is that there are a number of challenges to choose from, and you have to find the one that matters most. Phrased like this, the question will always slow people down and make them think more deeply.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 585-587). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

WITHOUT A GOOD QUESTION, A GOOD ANSWER HAS NO PLACE TO GO. Clayton Christensen

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 609-610). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

Resist the temptation to do the work and to pick one of the many challenges as the starting point (even though, no doubt, you'll have an opinion on which one it should be). Instead, ask something like this: "If you had to pick one of these to focus on, which one here would be the real challenge for you"

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 613-615). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

"I think I understand some of what's going on with [insert name of the person or the situation]. What's the real challenge here for you"

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 635-636). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

it's about bringing the focus back to the person at hand. To do that, you'd ask something like this: "I have a sense of the overall challenge. What's the real challenge here for you"

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 651-652). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

Coaching for performance is the label typically applied to everyday solving-the-problem management. Coaching for development goes beyond just solving the problem and shifts the focus to the person who's trying to solve the problem. As I said, it's the difference between the fire and the person who's trying to put out the fire.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 654-656). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

The simple act of adding "for you" to the end of as many questions as possible is an everyday technique for making conversations more development- than performance-oriented. Yes, the problems still get sorted out. But with "for you" there's often additional personal insight, and with personal insight comes increased growth and capability.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 657-658). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

When you start shifting your behaviour from giving advice and providing solutions to asking questions, you will feel anxious. "I'm just asking questions. They're going to see right through this any minute now." Learn to recognize the moment when you ask the question and there's a pause, a heartbeat of silence when you can see the person actually thinking and figuring out the answer. You can almost see new neural connections being made. To further reassure yourself, master the last of the Seven Essential Questions-" What was most useful here for you"- so you create a learning moment for the person and for you.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 661-666). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

Someone once said that everything tastes better with bacon. As a fallen vegetarian, I can attest to that. Equally, every question gets better when you add, "And what else" Asking, "What's the real challenge here for you" Good. Adding, "And what else What else is a real challenge here for you" Even better.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 671-673). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

Yes, there's a place for asking "Why" in organizational life. And no, it's not while you're in a focused conversation with the people you're managing. Here are two good reasons: You put them on the defensive. Get the tone even slightly wrong and suddenly your "Why " come across as "What the hell were you thinking" It's only downhill from there. You're trying to solve the problem. You ask why because you want more detail. You want more detail because you want to fix the problem. And suddenly you're back in the vicious circles of overdependence and overwhelm.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 708-713). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

If you're not trying to fix things, you don't need the backstory.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 713-714). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

Open with: What's on your mind The perfect way to start; the question is open but focused. Check in: Is there anything else on your mind Give the person an option to share additional concerns. Then begin to focus: So what's the real challenge here for you Already the conversation will deepen. Your job now is to find what's most useful to look at. Ask: And what else (is the real challenge here for you) Trust me, the person will have something. And there may be more.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 725-732). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

Taking responsibility for your own freedom is notoriously difficult to do. Block defined an adult-to-adult relationship as one in which you are "able to ask for what you want, knowing that the answer may be No." That's why at the heart of this book is this simple but potent question, "What do you want"

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 743-745). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

We often don't know what we actually want. Even if there's a first, fast answer, the question "But what do you really want" will typically stop people in their tracks.

Bungay Stanier, Michael (2016-02-29). The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever (Kindle Locations 747-748). Box of Crayons Press. Kindle Edition.

George Bernard Shaw put it succinctly when he said, "The single biggest problem with co


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