The Game Changer A Memoir of Disruptive Love

Review From User :

I read this book because More Than Two, by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert, is my favorite polyamory how-to guide. It has an ethical stance that I really respect and have learned a lot from, and I wanted to hear more about the relationships that had helped Franklin Veaux arrive at that viewpoint.

To a reader of More Than Two, most of the people who appear in this book will be familiar. I felt like I knew most of the story in outline already from the descriptions given in the other book. However, The Game Changer did not feel at all redundant because it approaches its subject matter in a different way. It's a gripping story about working out how to live outside of mainstream expectations while also being ethical to oneself and the people around you. I really appreciate how open Veaux is about the ways he wound up inadvertently hurting people over the years. It's not easy to be self-aware that way, but it's so important. It's also very much the way I've learned in my own life, for better or for worse, and it makes the story feel very human.

There is a value to reading the story laid out chronologically rather than piecemeal. I get a much deeper sense of how the nature of Veaux's primary relationship shaped interactions with other partners, and how this led to Veaux's opinion that ranking relationships tends to have a corrosive effect.

I have approached poly myself with a commitment to not creating that ranking system, but because I do have a spouse, I find that couple privilege can definitely sneak in. I deeply want to meet my partners' needs as people, and I find that this is sometimes easier said than done. Though I think the approach to poly that Veaux and Rickert advocate has been gaining traction, I still find that I often sound really different when I talk with other poly people in my social circle and region. I wanted to read The Game Changer to reinforce my sense of why I don't want to rank partners, and the book definitely makes a strong case for that.

Veaux also has a clear, entertaining writing style that communicates a strong sense of compassion and humanity. It's a pleasure to read his writing, and the narrative of his memoir pulled me through in a compelling way.


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